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  1. #1

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    Quietus is on a distinguished road

    Quietus - the levelling chronicles of a precariously pernicious priest

    Preface:

    Hey people. I'm a pretty new SkillCapped member, and no, I am not an authority on pretty much
    anything, other than my seemingly borderline-compulsive need to, respectively, level characters,
    and document the process.
    I make my home on Ravenholdt EU normally, and in the process of it, managed to aquire the [Classy Blood Elves] achievement for my guild on my own, seeing as we're only 3 actives, and I'm the only one with a penchant for the race.

    When I was around halfway through the classes, I ended up rolling a priest, one night. I was drunk, I'll admit, and for some reason, it seemed like an awesome idea at the time to start writing down what happened during the levelling process...including what music I was listening to at the time.

    This was because I have a couple of songs that I've heard so many times while levelling various
    characters that they now remind me of specific zones, quests or similar, so I thought it might be fun to jot down as well.

    Now, what's this, then?

    This is, basically, a semi-in-character, semi OOC observation of the levelling process of my newest project. I read about the Skill Capped EU guild that's been set up on Outland, and decided to make a character there. This is, through his, and my, eyes, the story of it.

    TL;DR
    Levelling project, partially written as the character, partially in character, partially out of.
    Will contain profanity, both of common and blaspehmous nature, and all counted loss of sanity. Also some server-based bashing, based on previous experiences with numbskulls from various servers. Take it with a pinch of salt

    I will bold levels, and cursive track listings, just to clear up any confusion. I will also attempt to make each post a reasonable stack of ~5 levels, depending on how things turn out. If possible, I will then add links into this post to them.

    Name: Quíetus
    Class: Priest
    Race: Human
    Realm: Outland EU

    (Continued in next post)
    Last edited by Quietus; 11-10-2011 at 09:55 AM. Reason: Addiing information

  2. #2

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    Levels 1-5: The first, stumbling steps

    6th of november, 2011

    00:45

    Level 1:
    In Strict Confidence - Industrial Love (VNV Nation remix)

    Back in the fray, once more. I am quite sure this is a really, really bad idea. I've already levelled all Blood Elf playable classes to 85, which by itself should tell me I don't need a hobby, I need counceling; but it just seems so tempting. I've come to like the SC community, and they've set up a guild, that's even in the same battlegroup as my normal home, Ravenholdt. That's the good news. The bad news is, it's, well, Outland. The server that provides the never-ending stream of insufferable fuckwits to any dungeon you have the misfortune of running, alongside Kazzak-EU. God damn Kazzakians. Also, it's alliance side, for reasons I cannot fathom. Since I can't bear playing neither Gnome or Dwarf, we're left at Human, Night Elf, Dranei or Worgen...

    About 20 minutes, and a beer and a hard cider later, I've settled on a Human priest. Sadly, some miscreant has already taken my chosen name, so I opt for the completely mature and original "where can I throw retarded accents into the name" Quíetus. I am now a man of the cloth, a proud human being, and rocking a silver fox ponytail that, combined with a face that looks like it's been stuck in a blender a couple of times, also makes me get a slightly kid-tocuhing catholic feel to it. I'm not entirely sure if I'm comfortable with it, but there's no doubt it'll be fun to see what kind of persona this turns into.

    I embark on this next adventure, confident that not only will things go horribly wrong, but also a certainty that I will have flashbacks to the last time I levelled a priest.

    The first five minutes are spent wildly flailing my arms at worgs, and apparantly, this causes me to SMITE them. In the FACE. This kills them, and...

    00:50
    Level 2:

    And my first...of many, many dings.

    I find myself slaughtering Spies. Wondering how bad of a sign it is that I can't even find the priest trainer in this place. Have I accidentally rolled a retarded priest? Did I check the "Speshul" debuff? Or is this a deeper issue, stemming from the fact I can get lost in my own home, and this dumpy priest is just an extension of it?

    After about 5 minutes of standing in what appears to be a pigsty, attempting to run through a wall - without much success - I give up trying to reach the priest trainer, and instead decide to go murder the hell out of stuff instead.

    00:53
    Level 3:
    De/Vision - I regret (VNV Nation remix)

    I now have access to Flash Heal.

    Healing wounded trainees. What exactly makes them so piss poor they get hurt while training? All of them? And also, how bad a spot must they be in, if they rely on me to help them out with anything at all?

    Have you ever killed someone with a heal? No? Well, you're not me. It's roughly comparable to having a combination of Lay On Hands, combined with Vampiric Touch. All considered, very priestly, although I don't think 'Catholic' is a spec available. Hurr-de-hurr. I run around, giving that 'special touch' to a handful of trainees, who at least aren't dying in the corners of the church anymore.

    And...At least I found the priest trainer. There may yet be hope for my navigational skills.

    01:03
    Level 4:
    Stunna - Run
    Stunna - Back In Time


    Hm. Goblin assassins being sneaky. While unable to find their stealth button. Harsh tokes. I'm not really sure how bad the Horde must have it, when they're sending goblins rogues that haven't even learned stealth yet. Strikes me as an exceeedingly piss poor idea, but hey - more XP for me, I suppose.

    In the other end of the local area, there is a scorched vineyard. This, I cannot abide. I am a priest, and if there's one thing to get a priest pissed off, it's to mess with their wine supply. Things must die, now. And so, they do.

    01:10
    Joined guild.

    I manage to sneak into the guild, Skill Capped EU. Go me, I now have access to all kinds of expertise, suggestions, and perks. People here seem friendly. Obviously, they don't know me yet.

    01:18
    Level 5:
    Random Movement - Her Song
    Random Movement - No one like you


    Fuck. Forgot to check for skills, and could've had Shadow Word: Pain for the last level. Power Word: Shield is now there, though, so there is that.

    Murderized the hell out of some Orc named Kurok. Words of PAIN, baby. Words like "skullfucked with a powerdrill". Way I see it, anyway, SW: P is not a spell, as much as it's a continuous litany of curses, threats, and generally socially inappropriate dead baby jokes, causing eventual death of the victim. Probably from an aneurysm, trying to make sense of someone babbling off foul language like a crack-addled Tourette's sufferer.

    I decide to transfer over a warrior I once levelled on Burning Legion, to play alongside some colleagues from work. However, starting around 2 weeks after them, and still dinging 85 about a month before them, I eventually found I had no reason to play with them. To this day, they're still fucking around in justice points gear, doing dailies for no discernible reason. I thought I would be clever by getting all my retardism out in one go, by making a female, redheaded Worgen and call her 'InHeat'. Joke grew stale, but at least she's stocked on justice and honor points, and after liquidating my assets on Burning Legion, and giving a last "fuck you" to a server whose trade chat is 35% Polish guilds insulting each other, 35% turkish guilds spewing hate at Kurds, and the rest being an unholy amalgamation of Anal Chuck Norris jokes made by gold selling bots, I Xfer over and head to bed.

    Doing a bit of (dirty) napkin math, I figure I can get BoA shoulders and chest, but unless I opt for running heroics (gods, no!) or BGs (on a ~115K HP bloodthirsty gladiator-geared warrior), I'll have to suffice with a one-hander, over a 2H staff. Such is life, I guess.

    18:00
    Art of Trance - Madagascar
    Cygnus X - Superstring
    Baby D - Let me be your fantasy (Deadmau5 remix)


    Running around Stormwind, still trying to get used to that they're not actively murderizing me on sight. Bitches don't know 'bout my horde!
    Picking up herbalism and skinning for levelling purposes. Bitches don't know 'bout my flowerpicking or hide-skinning tendencies, either...which is, probably, for the best.
    Last edited by Quietus; 11-16-2011 at 06:53 PM. Reason: moved headline to title

  3. #3

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    stalkers is an unknown quantity at this point
    Great stuff you should write books dude!

  4. #4

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    Level 6-10: Still stumbling blindly

    My apologies for failing to update this as much as I'd like. I got sidetracked by RL, and the headache of keeping a text file synchronized between 4 computers.

    Level 6-10: Still stumbling blindly

    18:25
    Level 6:
    Pendulum - Watercolor (Deadmau5 remix)
    Astral Projection - Let there be light
    Faithless - God is a DJ (Astral Projection mix)


    Still at it with a vengeance. I am perfecting the art of smiting people. In the FACE. Already now, it is a bit of a blur what I am, and am not, killing. It is surprisingly difficult to discern who's the bad guy, considering I am applying hammer to the face of most anything I can target, but the GAVEL OF JUSTICE must be sanctified in the blood of possibly innocents. You may ask yourself, what kind of priest wanders around, mumbling to himself and yelling curses at people while judiciously applying blunt cranial trauma to critters? The answer, of course, is: an awesome one.

    7th of november
    06:30
    Man With No Name: Broken Promise

    I awake early, actually an hour before I have to head off for work, and decide to eschew the normally more sensible choice of more sleep, or breakfast, or whatever else. This morning, I am a man with a mission, a vision, a goal...and I enforce this by promptly stagger into a doorframe on the way to my computer, nearly knocking myself senseless. Hardly a promising start.
    I eventually stumble my way back into Azeroth, and...

    06:38:
    Man With No Name - Neuro Tunnel
    Man With No Name - Cocoon

    Level 8

    Renew available!
    Woo! I have a HoT.
    ...
    And this is somehow supposed to be awesome. It isn't. It really isn't.

    07:00
    Three Drives - Greece 2000 (MWNN remix)
    Level 9
    Man With No Name - Spaghettification
    VNV Nation - Saviour
    VNV Nation - Kingdom (Restoration)


    BWAHAHAAAA! MIIIIND BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!

    This may be the deathknell for my idea of levelling as Disc. Mind Blast. Come on.

    ...Okay, seriously. Why the fuck is my Smite hitting harder than my Mind Blast? Also, it's called Mind Blast. Look at the icon for it, for god's sake! An angry eye of doom, it looks like a viking who's just done a handful of blow while having his nuts in a vice. Why is the only graphic for it a purple-black cloud popping above their heads? I want a fucking spectral skull blazing shadowflame on them...Shadowflame...of doom. instead, all I get is a puff of purple. Fuck.

    07:26
    Level 10!

    ...By picking a Peacebloom. The irony.

    Okay, being a level 10 priest in a WSG is not thankful. Holy shit, 4 hunters gunning me down, I feel like a wildlife animal during hunting season. Even so, I still managed to lay down the pain on some equally unfortunate guy on the other team. Hey, trickle-down theory in practice. I get ganked by people of higher level than me, so I i turn gank someone who's either lower level, or worse geared, than me...And since I'm at the lower end of the level cap for the bracket, I guess I just gotta pick my targets with care.

    Some might point out that I am, nominally, specced Disc, and should focus on keeping people alive, instead of whoring killing blows (which I do). Listen, my faith decrees that I must lay low the enemies of my God...whichever that might be...and if you're not spending your time keeping level 14 rogue twinks from creating entirely new bodily openings on me by force, I am not going to dole out the divine touch just for the sake of your blue eyes.

    Also, just to add to it, there is something entirely satisfying by chasing a rogue around, wildly flailing my mace at him, and subjecting him to cranial trauma.

    I can't even recall what the match ended with, but I'm sure I was awesome.

    That done, I I move on with caution...Right until...I Made the mistake of 'riding the Stormwind Charger' available in Goldshire. Now, we all know Goldshire has a bad rep, so I really should have known better than to 'saddle up' when some burly guy with a full beard asks me, but I am drunk (possibly on power, but more likely just plain drunk), and I hop aboard.. Not really sure what it was supposed to do for me, but now my ass is sore, and I've been taken for a ride to somewhere I hardly know where is. Basically, I've just been subjected to walking home drunk from a night out, and being offered a lift by someone in a white van, waking up in a ditch, hours later. I am relieved to note that at least my kidneys are still inside me.

    I waddle around aimlessly in Redridge, until I decide to, like something straight out of Hansel and Gretel, to walk back to Goldshire, picking flowers all the way...only stopping to brutally flay the corpses of a couple of bears and wolves that weren't fast enough to get out of my way.

    ...For some reason, I can't stop thinking about the mental image of a priest, bloody up to the elbows, whistling a dainty little tune, while stripping an animal of its pelt. My chief complaint right now is that I can't skin humanoids. I still consider this a grave oversight in the making of the game.

    *heading off for work*

    19:00

    I decide, for the time being, to go Disc. partially as I would a bit of variation, and partially, because Penance looks kind of fun. I figure I will stay Disc until I can get shadowform, at which point I may decide to swap back to my true self: The Shady Priest.
    Last edited by Quietus; 11-16-2011 at 06:53 PM. Reason: Moved headline to title

  5. #5

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    Level 11-15: A Priest, his choices, and his methods of mayhem

    19:20
    Level 11!

    Penancing people...or animals...to death.

    First Arathi Basin. Keep looking at horde scores to find me, and keep wondering why I'm spawning at alliance.
    Penancing *people* to death, now. Step in the right direction. I am getting a slightly Bubble Bobble'ish feeling from throwing Penance on every cooldown, but considering it's about as much damage as I can chuck out at people, it does its job surprisingly well. Also, the fact that Power Word: Shield is something like 70% of my entire HP in an instant cast, it feels very much like being invincible...right until someone punctures my shield, and then, in short order, me.

    Level 12
    Paul Oakenfold & Carl Cox - Cocaine
    Leæther Strip - Adrenaline Rush (Vaegger version)

    20:00
    Psychic Screeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!

    The, in my opinion, most amusing priest ability until you get mind control, I positively love causing no small amount of grief with it. Biggest problem, of course, being that you actually have to get in range of people - something that proves slightly challenging, not because they outrun me, but because they flat out kill me. Bastards.
    I try to get my flower-picking and skinning up to speed, but I keep getting distracted by mobs. Let's be honest, it's just more fun to murder the hell out of things than it is to spend your time on all fours, face in the ground and ass up. If I'd wanted that, I'd either have rolled a Worgen or an agricultural prostitute.

    Level 13
    20:28

    In WsG on first cap. No time to celebrate my 13th level, as I apparantly have caused some measure of grief to the other side, as an arcane mage and his hunter buddy chase me around the map for the most of the game. I'm sure they have fun. I sure as hell don't. Even imagining the Benny Hill theme song doesn't make it fun.

    Immediately after, I ragequit and go to bed. Well, minus the rage part, the quitting, and since I end up milling aimlessly around, neither the bed part. But still.

    8th of november:
    17:15
    Simronan - Afraid of Scissors
    Noonerschaft - Straight outta Compton
    Solitary Experiments - Alles was bleibt
    Alien Vampire - Far Away / She's on Drugs (more than me) / No Way Back
    Sam - Halluzinogen


    Level 14!
    Rave Montdeo - Hello Doc
    Overlords - Sundown
    Feindflug - Roter Schnee


    Okay, so no debauchery other than what I could make for myself in Goldshire, but Westfall already has me killing vagrants. My hobophobia causes me to stick around for far longer than neccesary. That said, the place sucks preposterous amounts of ass, levelling-wise, compared to other places, at least for the XP/hour, and the amount of travel needed. On the plus side, hey, flowers...because nothing says "imposing agent of darkness" like blazing a path through the resident monsters just to get to a particularly fine dandelion.

    17:45
    Level 15!
    Reaper - Robuste Machine
    Atmosphere - Me
    The Killers - Read my mind (Gabriel & Dresden remix)


    Dinged by...flowerpicking.
    Dungeons now available.

    Alright, time to get my game face on again, and go into WSG. Said game face consists of a stitched mask made of stuff I've killed along the way. I may not be inebriated, but my sanity seems slightly slipping. I suspect I'm contracting mind rot from spending so much time around dead things, a disease entirely made up for the purpose of this paragraph.

    Signs of improvement, I no longer die in the time it takes me to actually target someone, conversely, I still find trying to kill someone with Smite to be highly dissatisfying, especially as people, even at this level range, still won't stand properly still and die in an orderly fashion. Also, fuck druid travelform. Seriously, fuck it with a broken bottle. Horde flag carrier, a level 17 druid, running around with our flag for 15 minutes straight. What.The. Fuck.

    Ragefire Chasm
    Combichrist - Can't change the beat
    Combichrist - Shut up and swallow
    Combichrist - Fuckmachine


    First dungeon. Woo! And of course. A fuckstick hunter who randomly aggros boss while I'm at 10% mana. Brilliant. How exactly that becomes my problem, I'm unsure of, but as people start screaming for heals, I start screaming for competent party members. Neither of us get what we want, and in spite of actually completing the dungeon, I am left with a feeling that leaving the tank to die in the lava might not have been the most sympathetic thing I have ever done. But then, he had an ugly face, so it's entirely alright. Also, he was from the Server-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, so everything's fair game.

  6. #6

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    Level 16-20: The descent into depravity

    18:10:
    Level 16!
    Wynardtage - ( I am nothing ) Like a prostitute
    Valium Era - Fcuk Me
    Paradoxie - Indoxication
    Angelspit - Hyperlust
    Wake up - Pzychobitch (Remix by [:SITD:])


    Early onset of ennui. I miss my shadow spells. More than that, I miss *not* having to heal myself more than dealing damage. Most of all, though, spamming Smite, no matter how alluring it might sound, without Divine Fury to boost casting, is a chore without equal. If there is any consolation to it, I know things will get better with time. Still, I feel my faith wavering, and the nagging voice at the back of my head asking "What the FUCK were you thinking, levelling ANOTHER character?"
    I mindlessly plow through hordes of mobs to get at flowers, causing me to look like some mind-rotted horticultural mass-murderer.

    Which, on reflection, is a fairly apt description.

    Deadmines run.

    Eisbrecher - Kein Mitleid
    Eisbrecher- Leider


    Ah, Deadmines. I wish I could say I've missed the place, but in honesty, I haven't, and seeing as I drop in half-way through the run, first having to run for 3 minutes straight to catch up, and then arriving just in time to see the tank having decided to rambo the everloving fuck out of both a pack of trash, plus the goblin boss in the mech, the run is soured very easily. After the obligatory "wiping wet chunks of what was formerly a tank" out of my robe, and seeing the boss finally keel over, courtesy of the equally obligatory huntard's pet, the tank hurls abuse at me, then ragequits, taking another DPS with him. I leave the rest to die, and set my eyes elsewhere.

    19:00
    Level 17!
    69 Eyes - Lost Boys
    Smote - Snowtime
    Smote & Stunna Feat. Submorphics - Sweet Passion


    **Going to Loch Modan with a package.**

    Ah, travel. They say that to travel is to live. Obviously, whomever came up with that never played an MMO. To travel is to wait, and this proves no different. I am charged, first with the assignment of delivering some package to a group of hillbilly dwarves in the ass-end of nowhere, and subsequently, I'm apparantly charged with disturbing the peace, wildlife and sense of propriety. Let's just say I will not be going back to Loch Modan for the foreseeable future, until they forget about the priest leading an undead congaline through their base camp. Absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever.

    Instead, I decide to hide out in a Warsong Gulch match instead.
    WSG
    Blueprint - Lost Notes
    Tokyo Prose - Retake


    The match goes somewhat apathetically indifferent, and I spend more time casually throwing heals at whatever wanders inside my range, as I perch on top of the alliance tunnel.

    Like a fantasy Batman, I spend most of my time crouched, mumbling to myself in a gravel voice about the injustice of mankind, until I realise it's daytime, my clothes are more neon than a raver dropped in a vat of chemical dye, and I'm pretty sure Batman never mastered the art of Power word: Shield. So, I stop. And instantly die, horrifically, as two rogues decide to knife-fuck my spine.
    ...God damn rogues.


    19:45
    Level 18!

    HOLY SHIT! PILLAR OF RIGHTEOUS FLAME TO THE FACE OF THE NONBELIEVERS! REPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!

    Nothing can be wrong now. Nothing can ever be wrong, as I can now call down pillars of divine wrath, like something out of, fuck if I know, what calls down pillars of fire? AWESOME characters, that's who. And me.

    (In case you're wondering, yes, I just got Holy Fire)


    9th of november
    18:10
    Tokyo Prose - Cerulean

    I swagger around, safe in the knowledge that if I ever need to call down fire on the disbelievers, I can now do that. Yes, I'm still high on the power-rush of having Holy Fire. I decide that I in fact feel so wicked awesome I should do an instance. Little did I know, at this point, how fucktarded this idea was...

    *Wailing Caverns as healer*
    Tokyo Prose - 2 Thirds
    Tokyo Prose - Rose without Rain [Samurai Red Seal]
    Concord Dawn - Take Me Away
    DJ Hidden - Outsider Looking In
    Forbidden Society - Smasher Vip (Katharsys remix)


    Holy shit. 1: Having a tank with a retarded name is bad. 2: Tank jumping constantly, every. single. moment. is worse. 3: Said tank insisting that why he's constantly mouthing off like he's got a chip on his shoulder, is because of "internet Tourettes". Seriously. I don't even know if it was an attempt to be funny, of if his claiming "to have forgotten to take his meds" was a cry for help. Sadly, it appears that I cannot force-choke people across the internet, but I'm hoping that my perfidious glare will cause his monitor to increase in brightness, thus eventually causing the radiation to have his balls shrivel up and cause him to become sterile. Also, again with the pulling when the healer's at 10% mana. What. The. Fuck. Sure, let's chainpull 3 packs, and soon as we're done, go chainpull 3 more. Retard.

    Okay, I am *one* XP off of hitting level 20. Let's do a WSG, and hopefully we'll pull a slow, nasty, painful 3-0 grinding-their-faces-into-the-ground victory, where I ding 20 30 seconds in and then abuse my higher level for the full duration. Yeeeeaah!

    *WSG*
    Larrge - Rephlexx
    SAM - Halluzinogen


    ...Okay. That...pretty much went exactly the way I *didn't* want, 0-3 loss, we got abused for the full duration of the match, and apparantly, two hunters decided to actively hunt me around. Apart from feeling marginally honored that I had my own entourage, I also felt marginally perforated in all major organs pretty much constantly, resulting in a marginal case of inability to continue breathing.

    I exit the BG, and in anger, lash out at the nearest mob, and...

    Level 20!

    Niggas! Let's ride!

    I decide to celebrate by going to Stormwind, and start eyeing up horses. I decide, of course, on a black stallion...and I wish I could say that without expecting half the readers to snicker at the notion. It's a fucking horse, you people.

    ...A horse. Not even a fucking one, at that. Just. a. horse.

    That I ride. Shut up.

    I get flashbacks to the last time I hit this level with a priest, memories of trying to impress Undercity enough to get a doomhorse to go with my shadowpriest, my unheard wail of consternation when I realised I'd done quests for Undercity for 10+ levels and they didn't give one single fuck about it, and how I instead had to settle with a Type-PLUR raver ostrich. By comparison, I am quite content that I now have a regular, old, living, horse instead.

    I swagger on over to the Stockades, and for reasons unknown to me, a level 60 Death Knight asks me if I want a boostrun. I oblige, and about ten minutes later, pretty much everything in the dungeon is dead. Including me, as I zigged when I should have zagged, and get shanked to death in a dank cellar underneath Stormwind's streets. This is not a proud day, where a priest gets shived in the kidneys by thieves and rapists, and clearly a sign that we aren't cracking down hard enough in criminals.

    ...And then it hits me, the situation with Stockades is that the prisoners are...locked inside a prison. And then the prison warden allows random people to go down there and perform reenactments of The Running Man, with all the inmates as unwilling participants?

    ...Not that I mind, the XP and loot is good, but does anyone else see something...slightly off...about the moral implications here? They're already locked up, for fuck's sake, and we go down there to hunt them, not for survival, but for sports, and to loot their shoes afterwards?

    This, my friends, is what's simultaneously wrong, and AWESOME about being a Stormwind citizen.

    I joyeously perform the last rites on whatever the friendly tank misses, battering skulls left, right and center, and setting fire to those unfortunate enough to survive the cranial trauma. I leave them to run around, screaming and burning, as I laugh in a way that I'm quite sure my vocal chords shouldn't facilitate. Something...darker, and far more sinister is growing in me, and it's not just sepsis from being shanked with a sharpened toothbrush.

    16th of november
    00:30
    -E- - Neon Highway

    Duskwood. wildlife. Cursing over why I can't skin Worgen....but then, you could max out Skinning by hanging around Stormwind. At least I get to kill Worgen, and everytime I kill one, I think of some dewey-eyed teenage girl weeping gently into her scarf, bemoaning the lost humanitas of me murdering that guy from Twilights extended family. as I seem to recall there was some kind of humanoids you could de-fur, but considering Blizzard's wimpy approach to skinning humanoids (hint: It begins with "you can't, because we're too mainstream for skin suits"), I have to make do with what I can.

    Also, really, you can only kill so many werewolves before you start wondering if there's some kind of title attached to it. "Quíetus, bane of the shapeshifters" would be nice, I guess. "Quíetus, molester of furries" would be better.

    ...In case you are wondering, no: I don't like Worgen, and I don't like the nasty feeling that if I had looked into the cellars in Goldshire, there'd be warning signs about "only safe yiffing inside!"

  7. #7

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    jgmshade
    LOL plz continue

  8. #8

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    Quietus is on a distinguished road

    Level 21-26: Fangs, fur, flayings and fuckwits

    00:58
    Level 21!
    Deine Lakaien - Where you are (VNV Nation remix)
    Noonerschaft - Straight outta Compton
    Hocico - Dog Eat Dog (Doggystyle mix by SE)
    LSG - Lonely Casseopeya (My Time Was Yours mix by Greyscale)
    [Sadistik - The Balancing Act album]


    ...By picking flowers in a graveyard...

    Sure, don't mind the gibbering lunatic priest, who in between dodging red-level mobs, pick at the foliage of a ghoul-infested, abandoned graveyard. That's perfectly normal.

    *Shuffling money around to get stuff sorted on holding char.*

    Errands in Stormwind to get professions set up.

    01:45
    Level 22!

    ...By talking to a hermit. Seriously, what the fuck. Somehow, I've become protector of the weak, escorter of the wandering clueless, and visitor of the elderly. That said, if you're an old, wizened man, living by yourself, in a tower, and the only visitor you get is a priest, you might come to realize you're going to die soon.

    But yeah. I can now cure diseases. Sadly, I can't pull a "life's a disease, and I'm the cure" stunt and kill people with it, but I suppose that eventually, it should be possible to first cast Devouring Plague on people, then charging them to cure it off of them. Can't see any logical holes in that.

    *SFK run*

    MORE werewolves. At least I kind of like this place...oh, wait.shadow-immune mobs? Fuck you very much. So, adding insult to injury - literally, as one of the things was clawing my god damn face off - I can't do anything but smite the fucker, and the tank couldn't keep aggro on a cupcake if it was already in his stomach. Also, what is up with tanks thinking that pulling 3 different packs of mobs when the healer just said "mana break, I'm dry" is a good idea? And then emo-quitting after he inevitably dies, and causes a full wipe, citing the healer as the reason?

    Getting yelled at for taking a MB after Silverlaine, with tank forging ahead...and a Petless hunter. What the *fuck*? Why must I suffer through these demented fucksocks? There is just no gratitude, nor intelligence, around these parts any more.

    02:13
    Level 23!
    Headscan vs Implant - Ascend

    ...By talking to a ghost about her comb.

    Why is it there is just no way I can level by killing things, and always end up having the most asisine quests with elderly care and spirit-talking that cause me to level up? No "Yarr, I SLAY the dragon, GET the powerup, WIN the game!". It's always "go talk to the old man and see if he's lonely, oh, and pick up flowers along the way". I feel like an abject failure in the field of inventing new ways of causing pain. At least, causing pain on others. My self-torture is coming along nicely.

    That aside:
    I HAVE WINGS! WIIIIIIIIINGS!

    *takes a deep breath*

    WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS!

    ...and then I realise, that no, these wings are white, don't give me any useful amount of mana back, and isntead of facilitating brutal Mind Spike -> Mind Blast -> SW: D combos like I'm used to, it instead...makes me heal for more. Fuck's sake.

    As I trudge through the landscape, I ponder on this, only stopping to notice that worgens are killing the wolves I need for my skinning. This shit will not stand.

    Right, enough of Darkshire. The ground is wracked with the remains of my fallen enemies, the brackish smell of funeral pyres permeates the air and clings to my nostrils. My work here is done. Also, there are no more non-grey quests here that I can care to find, so fuck their problems with furries. I've already killed enough to ensure that their continued survival as a species only takes place in the seedy corners of Goldshire.

    As a parting shot, I flip them the middle finger salute - in my case, it involves strewing a bag of severed middle fingers all over the town as I fly back to Stormwind, to turn in the quest Favored of the Light. No, I, too, am amused over the quest name, considering it's me, as I prepare to set course for warmer places: StrangleThorn Vale.

    02:30
    Level 24!
    Headscan vs Implant - Components
    The Police - Wrapped around your finger
    Noisecontrollers - attack again
    Headhunters - The Sacrifice



    Fade...Yay.

    Ahh, STV. I've missed you. Kind of. Missed like the memory of a particularly feisty chili pizza - delightful, until you stop and let your body think about what you've just done. Like waking up in your bed, fully dressed save for your shoes, an empty bottle and a sombrero laying next to you on the bed.

    What, you guys haven't had mornings like those?

    I relax, content in the knowledge that I will now boost my herbalism and skinning well past what's expected of my level. Apart from attempting to skin a flower, and herb the wildlife (much to their dismay), I have this entire gathering thing pretty much on lockdown.

    And by lockdown, I mean that I have absolutely fuck-all idea of what I'm doing, which I demonstrate by faceplanting into a tree, while managing to pull five lvl 26 cannibal trolls on to me. Minutes later, the smoke clears, and a vitor emerges: gore-clad, panting, cursing and bleeding profusely (hint, it's me, not the trolls), I decide to pay a bit more attention to sticking to the road and not body-pull half the troll population again.

    02:59
    Level 25!
    Greyscale - Longing
    :SITD: - Pride
    Retractor - Harm
    Zombiegirl - Creepy Crawler (KMFDM remix)
    VNV Nation - LastLight


    ...From, once again, herbing.

    So, I decide to change the pace, and queue for a dungeon.

    ...Stockades. I never liked the place. Too cramped, too many grim considerations. All-male, multi-racial prison. I shudder to think what they do for entertainment, and considering my encyclopaedic knowledge of the gay community's use of colored hankerchiefs to signal sexual preferences, I find the abundance of red bandannas discomforting, to say the least. Also, yet another retarded tank who doesn't believe in mana or Line Of Sight, a warlock *and* a hunter with pet on aggressive, and you've got yourself quite the entertainment. That is, it would be fun if it wasn't happening to me.

    After a painful run, I think to myself it was just an isolated bad experience, and I sign up again...And get Stockades again. The prison-gang-rape theme still makes me queasy, but I close my eyes and think of a different place, and before I know it, everyone else is dead. Maybe I should pay a bit more attention to the group in the future. I consider regaling them with a story of my prison trauma, and why this instance triggers my flashbacks, but I doubt they'd understand words longer than "FU HEALER, Y U NO HEAL ME NOOB?" - 'healer' being the most complex word available, as evidenced by their spamming of "HEAL!" "HEAL!". Their dying screams' echoes carry down the corridors to me, and I smile. That's what they get for not thanking me for the buffs I gave them. Bludgeoned and penetrated to death beneath Stormwind. I leave the instance, and turn my attention to other matters, especially considering I just levelled.

  9. #9

    Join Date
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    Zazam is on a distinguished road
    An English Teacher once wrote in the margin of a short story I had written that I had a “warped mind”. He meant it as a compliment. I would compliment you in kind. Very entertaining writing, and defiantly warped. LOL
    Alliance, Coilfang - US
    Spanner Rynestyne Dancingblade
    Retired: Zazam, Rhombus, Biometrics (Trying to forget my bad habits.)

  10. #10

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    jgmshade
    cant wait for next part

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